Thanks for tagging me Jessica, but...............

As luck would have it, the 5th picture in my 5th file is a picture of Ava's first poop in the potty. And I do mean the ACTUAL poop. I know it sounds weird, but believe it or not, you too will also find yourself running for your camera to photograph baby Rockey's 1st doo-doo in the toilet. (: I do find it funny to look at other tagged people's 5th picture and see smiling faces, and mine is a picture of ca-ca. Oh, and just to show that I did put a tiny amount of effort in this very strange post, I changed my background color from pink to brown to add to the overall theme.

I MISS YOU FRIENDS!!!!!!!!

Hi Everybody! Things have been incredibly busy around here lately and I wanted to let you all know how much I miss seeing and chatting with you all. I'm putting up a new post this week with pictures, but here is a quick update about what's been happening. Ava started Kindergarten last week and it is going so-so. Jackie is NOT happy about Ava being in Kindergarten!! I'm not either and I am starting to think about homeschooling next year, but I'll get into that in my next post. Billy's back is recovering faster than we had even hoped and it is a true miracle! Could it be that our lives are returning to normal? Whatever "normal" is! Thank you all so very much for everything that you have done for us during this truly eye opening and life changing trial. I can't WAIT to get back into the swing of things again. (:

Praying for Healing

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Ava & Jackie "fixing" Daddy's hair.

Doesn't Daddy look happy?

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Tuesday, August 12th, at 11 a.m., Billy will be at Sentara Leigh having surgery on the bulging disks in his lower back. His neurologist decided to operate after two rounds of epidural steroid injections did not correct the problem. We had hoped that the injections would help alleviate, or even better, put an end to the pain altogether. If the injections worked, then surgery wouldn't even be necessary. Unfortunately the injection process only seemed to make the pain worse, so the next step is surgery. As odd as this may sound, Billy and I are both excited about this. Not excited about the actual operation, but by the possibility that this may actually be the beginning of the end of Billy's pain. This procedure has a 85% success rate and is less invasive than other back surgeries, such as spine fusion.

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Lord willing, Billy will have to be in the hospital for only one night. I will take him to the hospital in the morning and be with him until prep time. The neurologist says that the surgery takes about one hour. I will stay in the waiting room until the doctor comes to talk to me and then I will be able to go see Billy in the recovery area. After he is settled in his room, I will stay with him for a few hours and then go pick up our girls from their Gramma's house.

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This will be the first time that it has been just me and the girls for the night. It's going to feel weird without Billy. It's not that I will be scared at home without him, but I'll be missing him. Since the four of us have been together almost all the time since April, I have a feeling that Ava and Jackie are NOT going to be happy with Daddy gone. I am going to try to make the night fun for them, kind of like a little adventure. I'm going to put up some kind of makeshift tent in the living room and we can pretend that we are camping. I'll sleep in the middle so I can cuddle with them all night. Having them close to me will help me so much! As for Billy, I am sure that he will be highly medicated and I hope that he will be able to sleep. Isn't it funny how they wake you up to give you a sleeping pill when you are in the hospital??

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You know, Billy has been in excruciating pain since the end of April. He probably doesn't even remember what it feels like to not be in pain, yet he has put on such a brave face trying to mask the pain. The thing is, there really is no way for him to hide it. You can see and almost feel his suffering just by looking at his face and seeing him walk. Sometimes it is almost unbearable to see him suffer and I wish that his physical pain could somehow be transferred to my body so he could feel relief. Of course I know that is impossible but to see the man that I love in pain breaks my heart.

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What I CAN do, however, is pray and to ask others to pray for him. I pray that the surgery will be successful and without complication and I pray that the Lord will somehow heal my husband. It has been very difficult to grasp the fact that I have absolutely no control over this situation. But at the same time, there is something so very freeing in knowing that this is all in God's hands. And knowing that He is a good, loving and faithful God brings me great comfort and joy. Knowing this gives me a certain peaceful feeling that I can't quite explain. I don't know how, but I do know that He will take care of Billy.

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These are a few pictures that have been taken of Billy since he has been injured. He is smiling (except in the one where the girls are doing his hair) but you can tell that he is hurting. Please pray for him. I will keep everyone posted on how he is doing. :)

. Billy & my sister Marie the day before she moved to Japan.

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Billy, Marie and me.

A jack-o-lantern in July & Jackie takes a tumble!!

My sweet little jack-o-lantern.

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I have been meaning to post for a while now, but things have been very busy around here lately. Lots of errands, doctor appointments, phone calls and watching the girls performing numerous little dance routines. So far, the highlight of July was the 16th, when Ava's first baby tooth fell out! At first it made me quite sad to think of her growing up so fast, but seeing that silly little toothless grin makes my heart burst with joy!! Four days later, she lost another tooth, which makes for such a sweet smile and an adorable lisp. She sounds like Cindy Brady from the Brady Bunch and I love it! She looks like a little jack-o-lantern! Needless to say, the Tooth Fairy has been very busy lately. After we cleaned and polished the tooth, Ava drew a picture for the Tooth Fairy and wrote her a note to remind her to fly safely. It was so sweet. It's a good thing that Ava is such a heavy sleeper because it's difficult to sneak into her room, lift her head and pillow, take the tooth and leave the Tooth Fairy money. Once I thought she was waking up and I dropped to the floor FAST and HARD! It's hard being the Tooth Fairy, but SO much fun! :-)

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The other pictures are of Jackie sitting upside down on the couch grinning. I thought she was getting ready to do a back walkover and then she tipped over and went down!! Instead of crying, which is what I most likely would have done, she simply looked surprised and moved onto something else fun. She is such a little toughie! Ava is more like me in that she is so ridiculously dramatic and is always in need of a band aid!

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Also, a special thanks to Katy Van for helping me start a playlist on my blog. I've been wanting to do it for months but couldn't figure it out until she walked me through it. I'm glad I finally asked for help! Now that I know how to do that, I think I'll try experimenting with other blog stuff like different colors and templates. Now if I could just figure out the slideshow thing..... (:

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Ava's tooth; YES, I actually took a picture of it! That's a shadow underneath, not blood.

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The girls on the couch being silly

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An upside down grin

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...and down she goes!!! I was afraid that she might have hurt her neck, but in true Jackie style she wanted to get back on the couch and do it again! My girl is tough!!!

Trials Are Blessings

As you all know, I am a woman of MANY words. But, tonight I am going to try to keep this post short because I don't want to subject you to my endless rambling.

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As many of you know, Billy has been unable to work for almost two months due to back problems. When this first began, we felt like the rug had been pulled out from under us; Billy was in pain and couldn't work, which meant no income. How would we pay the rent? How would we pay our bills? How would we feed our daughters? Faith took on a whole new meaning; we've had faith in the Lord, we've had other struggles. But this was the biggest struggle we had yet faced, and we were scared!!!

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God is in control and even as we were scared, He was at work. It took some time but we realized that this trial is indeed a blessing. Through this God has shown himself and his blessings, allowing our brothers and sisters at Sovereign Grace to serve us. We have grown closer to the Lord, and continue to grow each day. We have also realized how dependent we are upon the Lord and whomever He chooses to use.

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Having said that, Billy and I want to express our sincerest gratitude to our Sovereign Grace family, our Pastor Chris Mangold, our Care Group and Care Group leaders Doug and Cheryl Davis and our Integrity family for your prayers, encouragement, gifts and time. We are also so very thankful for our families.

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Ultimately, we thank the Lord for His gift of this trial and for the grace to grow from this.

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A few weeks ago, Chris Mangold took the time to come to our house to minister to us and pray with us. At that time, he recommended a book that might help us to understand God's sovereignty through suffering. Today, Melissa Smith delivered that book, Suffering and the Sovereignty of God by John Piper and Justin Taylor, along with a Bible which will be our Stewart family Bible. Lord willing, it will be passed down to our children and their children, ... (a memory of the blessing of trials).

Sweet and Silly Pictures

This weekend I was looking at our downloaded pictures on the computer and came across some that really made me smile! Most of them are of the girls, of course, and they are all from the past two years. There are a lot of silly pictures and the others are so sweet that they make me want to cry! I hope you enjoy the pictures and that they will bring a smile to your face!

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Ava & cousin Savanna (a.k.a. "Fuzzy") love to be together

.A kiss bye-bye

.Ava & cousin Julian at Chuck E. Cheese. He's like a big brother to her & they adore each other

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Ava & Daddy watching the 4th of July fireworks

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Baby Jackie with her sweet cheeks and chins

.Jackie's tootheless grin (what a happy baby)

.Jackie wearing her cool shades, with her adoring Grampa

.A very happy & excited Jackie

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What a sweet big sister!

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Ava & Daddy having a blast in the flurries

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Can you say sugar shock?

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Ava with cousins Savanna & Celie. Time to break out the stain stick!

.Ava & Jackie with their GA cousins. They had spent the day swimming and Grampa let them wear his old t-shirts. I think that Savanna & Celie look like little monks in their brown shirts & that they all look like sweet little ragamuffins

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Billy crashed out in front of the computer. I find this one both sweet & silly

.Silly & bizarre. My friend Tish & me trying to recapture our youth by competing to see who was the better contortionist. That's me in the back and my neck ached for a week after that night, but it was worth it because we had so much fun!

Eat Your Heart Out Betty Crocker

Guess what? I baked!!!! Cheryl Davis gave me her recipe for her amazing chocolate chip bundt cake and after a few weeks I got up enough nerve to attempt to make my own. Although I was really happy with the outcome, Cheryl still makes it better. I always have a hard time cooking because I usually don't follow the recipe like I should, but I did this time. Ava and Jackie helped me and they pretended that we were on a cooking show. Ava has really been in to the Food Network lately so maybe when she grows up she can teach ME how to cook! We poured about three quarters of the batter into the pan and then sat on the kitchen floor with spoons and ate the rest. When I was little I always said that when I grew up I would eat as much batter as I wanted and I do!

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Later we put the cake on the table in front of Billy because the girls wanted to pretend that it was his birthday. They even put up some pink streamers! First we sang Happy Birthday to Billy and he blew out imaginary candles. Then the girls decided that it was every ones birthday so we took turns singing and blowing out candles that were not really there. There is one piece left and I am getting ready to eat it. Thanks for the recipe Cheryl!

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On a completely different note, I had my procedure last Saturday at my Dermatologist's office. It wasn't bad at all and I am feeling pretty confident that all of the bad cells were removed and that they have not spread. I am not nearly as sore as I thought I would be, but my backside looks a bit like Frankenstein. The glow in the dark Spongebob band-aids give me a distinct look, I think. Pathology should have the results any day now and I will keep everyone posted!!!

The Holy Spirit

Billy and I went to care group tonight and the most wonderful and amazing thing happened to me! I know that I often (actually, always) ramble on and on, but PLEASE stay with me on this because I want to share this with all of you and it's important to me. Before I tell you about it, I want to fill you in on what's been going on in my life for the past few weeks. It has been a very trying time and instead of turning to the Lord and praying, I sat around feeling sorry for myself and acted like a spoiled rotten child. I have been acting selfish, taking Billy for granted and not having much patience with Ava and Jackie. I wanted to go to care group tonight, but because I have been in such a funk lately, I was afraid that I would end up sitting in a corner sulking. I LOVE care group at the Davis' and realized that that was where I needed to be. I am SO happy that I went!!!!

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As usual, because of my inability to stop talking, we were the first to arrive and the last to leave. I immediately started to feel better when we walked in. When everybody arrived, we sat around in a circle and talked about different things and people requested prayers. I am sure that you have all heard how I believe that the Lord chose J'nelle to act as His messenger in drawing me to Him. Several months ago, as she was hugging and praying for me, I actually felt what I can only describe as a jolt of electricity run through my body. AT LAST!!! I had been waiting almost my whole life for some kind of sign that there really and truly is a God and during the prayer, I FINALLY felt God's presence and found what I had been seeking. Until then, I wanted SO much to believe but wasn't ready to make that leap of faith. I didn't have to because at that very moment, I TRULY believed and felt the Holy Spirit!! I was absolutely euphoric for a few months, and then the honeymoon period ended. People had told me this would eventually happen but I didn't want to believe them. Of course I still believed that Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins, but I found myself praying less and feeling depressed and anxious. I was no longer floating on cloud 9.

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Back to care group tonight. J'nelle sat next to me on the couch and I believe she could sense my depression because she patted me on the back and held my hand. This time, I felt an even stronger surge of "electricity" run through my body and I started to cry. I felt the Holy Spirit and it was AMAZING! My heart instantly felt full of love, joy and relief!!! I COULD NOT stop crying no matter how hard I tried. I have never prayed out loud in care group until tonight. All I knew was that I wanted to but was afraid because everyone always sounds so eloquent and they often quote scripture when they pray. I didn't know how to start and was afraid that I would not pray the "right" way, but everything inside of me was screaming "Just open your mouth and pray!" Imagine me, being nervous to speak! How weird is that? :)

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All of a sudden, my mouth just opened and I started to pray. J'nelle has not been feeling too well lately and has been stressed out. I prayed for her and although my words were choppy and not fluid, I realized that there really is no"right" way to pray. I absolutely believe that God heard me and that He listens even if your words are not polished and eloquent. It felt SO GOOD to be able to pray for my wonderful friend and know that the Lord heard me! I was able to compose myself for a few seconds and then Billy prayed for my amazing and loving sister Marie. She is so very giving, loyal and selfless and it has been difficult for her lately because her husband leaves for a six month cruise Monday. My brother-in-law Seane, received orders to Japan so he leaves first and Marie and my precious nephew and niece will go sometime in June. I was crying so much that I started to feel nauseated. I was crying because I was thinking of their departure, but also because I felt that God was with me and it was amazing!!!

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So in conclusion, yes I do intend to stop typing soon, I just wanted to express how grateful and blessed I am. Catherine, Kristen and Katy Van made my life SO much easier by bringing over delicious meals as we were settling into our new home. Cheryl Davis orchestrated the whole thing and I thank you all so very much! You guys can COOK and I wolfed it all down which has resulted in helping me enjoy food again!!! J'nelle and Lizzy, thank you so much for taking so much time talking to me. I have REALLY missed fellowship and I promise not to monopolize all of your time at the next meeting! Lizzy, I will be praying about your interview. Lisa, I wish that we could have had the chance to chat but I looked up and you were gone. Hope to talk to you soon. Jessica, I hope that you were not at care group because you are not feeling well. I missed you tonight and hope to see you soon. Finally, I want to thank the Davis family for allowing us into their home with such welcome and loving arms. I feel that I could say just about anything, and instead of judging me, they would try to understand and be compassionate. As a new Christian, I bombard you with questions and you always seem happy to answer them. What patience you have! Cheryl and Doug, you are such amazing care group leaders and I appreciate you both so much! I am SO incredibly blessed to have my family and all of you as my friends. If you are still reading, I love you all!! O.K., I promise to stop typing now.

Our Soon to be Home Sweet Home!!!

I know that some of you may be shocked, but I actually have GOOD news to write about!!! We found out yesterday that our application was approved for the condo that we REALLY wanted. It's in Knell's Ridge in Chesapeake and close to just about everything. Karen Smith showed us a few properties that we asked to see, but this one was THE ONE. I knew I wanted it before I even went inside. Thank you so much, Karen, for your time and patience. Not only did I get a new great place to live, but in the process I have gained a wonderful new friend! I am so thankful for you!!!

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So now I'll give you guys a little info on our soon to be home. The address is 670 Ridge Circle, which means I am going to have a difficult time ordering pizza because my R's sound like L's. It's an Asian thing, but at least the address is not 670 Ridge Road. Now THAT would be hard for me to say! :) Anyways, it's a 2 story condo and the owner has put in all new carpet, tiles and appliances. This will be my very first flat top stove and I intend to use it! That's right, I am actually going to start cooking real meals! The girls are going to share a room so Billy and I are going to buy them matching twin beds with a bedside table between them. They will be able to go to bed and talk and sing until they fall asleep.

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I think the thing that I love most about this condo is the woodburning fireplace with a cute little mantle. I LOVE to have a nice warm fire when it's cold outside and I'm glad it's not a gas fireplace because the fumes give me headaches. Ava is already talking about toasting marshmallows! There is even a small fenced in patio area where we can put our grill and there is room around the fence to plant flowers. I will have Billy do the digging though, because I would freak out if I saw a worm. As most of you know, I am not outdoorsy, but I am really going to try to make the backyard pretty for the girls and Billy. As you can tell, I am really excited about this place. It just felt so RIGHT when I walked in the door and I can't wait until March 17! Here are a few pictures I took when Karen showed me the property.

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By the way, the lab tests came in and I don't have shingles like the doctor thought. It's a staph infection and I'm on a few different antibiotics, and on my way to feeling, looking and SMELLING better! I sure do miss everybody and look forward to seeing everyone soon!!!

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The Living Room (see my fireplace?)

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The kitchen (obviously)

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Part of Billy's and my bathroom

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The bathroom in the girl's bedroom (soon to be pink!)

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MY STOVE!!! (And I'm actually going to use it!)

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It's the one on the left (Can't wait to have everybody over!)

My Silly Joke

O.K., so here is my silly little joke. "Anybody need a new roof? If so, I'm your girl because I've got shingles." Yes, I know it's a very lame and pathetic excuse for a joke but I am trying to be positive while keeping a sense of humor about my latest "ailment." I woke up Wednesday morning with a headache and an allover feeling of ickiness. My skin hurt and my lymph nodes in the ear/neck area were hurting and felt swollen. I had also noticed some small red splotches spread around my body and my scalp felt like it was on fire. I was a bit nervous to see my doctor because it all just sounds SO weird!!!!! I finally decided to go to the doctor, but first I had to go and drop off our rental application for the condo at Knells Ridge that we REALLY want to rent. Anyways, I ran that errand and went to see my doctor. At first she thought that it could be chicken pox, but then she saw my scalp and said that it was shingles. I know this is really gross, but I had about 40 to 50 blisters on my scalp. Most of them had already popped and she popped the other ones to obtain cultures. It DID NOT feel good but it had to be done.

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So if you are still reading this, I'll continue. My doctor gave me medicine to fight the shingles and to prevent it from getting worse and she gave me a prescription for pain killers. Unfortunately, the shingles fighting medicine does not seem to be working and the pain pills make me itch. Since I have been told not to touch the gross blisters/scabs, (And really, why would you want to?) I can't scratch at all! So I am in hibernation right now, staying inside wearing a ridiculous hat with ear flaps and a big pom pom on top. As long as I wear the hat, I can't scratch my scalp.

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I'm very sorry to complain, but I'm getting cabin fever! I can't go to the new members class or church tomorrow and I'm really bummed about that! However, I'm going to look at the bright side. I have a mild case of shingles and am very thankful for that. I looked online at some websites and realize that most people that get shingles get it SO much worse! Some of the pictures on the websites were so uncomfortable to look at that Billy wouldn't look at the screen anymore because he was eating. Despite the way I look right now (NASTY) and the discomfort, I am actually in a very good mood. I just keep thinking that this could be SO much worse. The whole thing is kind of funny in a strange way. If any of you could see me right now wearing my hat with the big pom pom and ear flaps, it would give you a laugh. I look in the mirror and all I can do is roll my eyes and chuckle. Did I mention that my hat also has lovely straps that tie under my chin? I think the straps make the hat all the more charming and really give it that little something special. Ha! Ha!

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I hope to be out of the house soon and can't wait to take off my hat! I miss all of you and look forward to seeing everybody. If you are in need of a good laugh, think of me and my hat. I look truly bizarre. Maybe I'll have Billy take a picture of me and post it. Hope everybody has a great week and I'm looking forward to seeing everyone again!!!